Dinner Jokes / Recent Jokes
Last week, I went on vacation to visit my aunt on her farm. On the first day, one of her chickens died so we had chicken for dinner.
On the second day, one of her pigs died so we had pork for dinner.
On the third day, her husband died so I left before dinner.
A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He says to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner. So that night at dinner she does.
About a week later she's back at the Dr. and Says "Dr. the pill worked great. I put it in the potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, throws the table out of the way, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right there on the floor."
The doctor says, I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages.
Naah she says, that's okay. We aren't going back to Denny's anyway......
A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.
However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and $1954. 25 in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.
That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?"
The man thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these more...
Microsoft TV Dinner Instructions…
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an infringement of Microsoft’s rights). You may, however, let others smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven. Set the oven using these keystrokes:
Then enter:
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner, and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your oven must be restarted. more...
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks
which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's
really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night.
We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out.
And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that.
Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give
me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her
parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the
prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a
religious person."
He leans more...
A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and asked her to say the blessing.
"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.
The little girl bowed her head and prayed, "Dear Lord, why on Earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"