Director Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Pinoy went to a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he sat next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg who was already ahead by a quart of alcohol.

After a couple of beers, the Pinoy sensed that Spielberg was glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash the Pinoy crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious hook from the director.

Picking himself up, he yelled, "Wat da hell is dat por?"

Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you and My dad perished in that bombing!"

"Tang Na! I am not Jafanese, you stufid Nincomfoof! I am Filipino!" exclaimed the Pinoy.

The inebriated director replied, "Yeah yeah yeah. ... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino. .. you are all the same."

Regaining his composure, the Pinoy dusted off his white pants, straightened the collar of his loud bird-of-paradise printed shirt, took his seat and ordered a more...

In the beginning was the Plan
And then came the assumptions
And the assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance
And darkness was upon the faces of the workers
And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth:
"It is a crock, and it stinketh!"
And the Group Heads went unto their Section Heads, and sayeth:
"It is a pail of dung, and none may abide the odour thereof."
And the Section Heads went unto their Managers, and sayeth unto them:
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went to their Director, and sayeth unto him:
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."
And the Director went unto his Vice-President, and sayeth:
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Vice-President went unto the President, and sayeth unto more...

What did the director say after making the Mummy Movie?
"It's a Wrap!"

Church feuds are not uncommon, especially among cliques in the congregation. But when the pastor and choir director get into it, stand aside. One week our preacher preached on commitment, and how we should dedicate ourselves to service. The director then led the choir in singing,' I Shall Not Be Moved.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on giving and how we should gladly give to the work of the Lord. The choir director then led the song,' Jesus Paid It All.' The next Sunday, the preacher preached on gossiping and how we should watch our tongues. The hymn was' I Love To Tell The Story.' The preacher became disgusted over the situation, and the next Sunday he told the congregation he was considering resigning. The choir then sang' Oh, Why Not Tonight.' When the preacher resigned the next week, he told the church that Jesus had led him there and Jesus was taking him away. The choir then sang,' What A Friend We Have in Jesus.'

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`Whats the matter? asked the director.`I cant jump from that board! said the actor. `Do you know theres only one foot of water in that pool? Yes, said the director. `We dont want you to drown, you know.

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was
called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you
applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience.
Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you
said you wanted somebody with imagination."

Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held.""Well," the young man replied "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination."