Director Jokes / Recent Jokes

Personnel Director: What would you do if you broke your arm in two places? Vanderkron: I wouldnt go to these places no more!

FOOT-AND-MOUTH BELIEVED TO BE FIRST VIRUS UNABLE TO SPREAD THROUGH MICROSOFT OUTLOOK
Researchers Shocked to Finally Find Virus That Email App Doesn't Like
Atlanta, Ga. (SatireWire.com) - Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control and Symantec's AntiVirus Research Center today confirmed that foot-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has ever failed to propagate a major virus.
''Frankly, we've never heard of a virus that couldn't spread through Microsoft Outlook, so our findings were, to say the least, unexpected,'' said Clive Sarnow, director of the CDC's infectious disease unit.
The study was immediately hailed by British officials, who said it will save millions of pounds and thousands of man hours. ''Up until now we have, quite naturally, assumed that both foot-and-mouth and mad cow were spread by Microsoft Outlook,'' said Nick Brown, Britain's Agriculture Minister.
''By more...

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Three guys are applying for job with the CIA. They got all the
way to the final test.
So the first guy walks into the directors office and sits down.
The director reaches in his desk and pulls out a pistol. Lays it
on his desk in front of the guy. Tells him, "This test is to
test your loyalty. Take this gun and go up the stairs and go
into the first room on your right. Your wife will be in there.
Put a bullet in her head." The guy looks at him and says,"no
way." So the director says, "You fail."
The next guy comes in. The diresctor tells him the same thing.
Guy picks up the gun and head for the room. Comes back about 15
minutes later. Tells the director that he just couldn't go
through with it. The director says, "you fail."
So now the third guy comes in, same scene. Guy heads up to the
room. The director hears 3 shots, followed by a whole lot of
ruckus(glass breaking, funiture getting more...

A musical director was encountering a lot of problems with one drummer. He talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance failed to improve.
Finally, before the entire orchestra, the director said, "When a musician cannot handle his instrument and doesn't improve when help is given, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
At that, a whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

Two bone weary public servants were working their little hearts and souls out. Their department was just too busy for staff to be able take flex. But there had to be a way........ One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. "I know how to get some time off work" the man whispered.

"How?" hissed the blonde at the next workstation.

Instead of answering, the man quickly looked around. No sign of his Director. He jumped up on his desk, kicked out a couple of ceiling tiles and hoisted himself up. "Look!" he hissed, then swinging his legs over a metal pipe, hung upside down.

Within seconds, the Director emerged from the Branch Head's office at the far end of the floor. He saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he thought he was doing.

"I'm a light bulb" answered the public servant.

"I think you need some time off," barked the Director. "Get more...

A MAN who had no telephone in his home went to the house of his next door neighbour who happened to be the director of a company. The neighbour happened to be away so the man asked his aged mother if he could make a call. "Surely," replied the old lady pointing to the telephone. "The director sahib has gone to his office but I know he would not mind your using the phone."
The man looked in his notebook but could not find the number he wanted. "Where is the directory?" he asked the lady. "Oh, the directory! She is taking her bath."