Dirt Jokes / Recent Jokes

You need a second job (or your parents do) just to pay for gloves, bats, equipment, uniforms, player fees, batting cages, etc... Your second job is umpiring at softball games. Your idea of spending quality time with your spouse is playing on the same co-ed team. You have more than one bat that cost over $200. You go to the softball fields on nights your team isn't even playing. You used to rest and relax on the weekends, now the only rest you get is between games at a tournament. You think "wearing something nice" means an all-tournament shirt with no dirt stains. When someone says they are going out of town this weekend you ask if there is a tournament there. All your white socks have dirt stains from playing softball. Your idea of a weekend getaway is a two-day tournament in (insert town name). You have a tattoo that says softball forever. You plan your summer vacation each year around the state softball tournament. You own more softball t-shirts than pairs of underwear. more...

While a man was out for a walk, he happened upon a friend of his. He took a look at his friend's car and saw that it was a total loss and was covered in grass, branches, leaves, dirt and blood.
"What the heck happened to your car?" he asked his friend.
"I ran into a lawyer," his friend replied.
"That would explain the blood, but what about the grass, branches, leaves and dirt?" he inquired.
"Oh!" Well, I had to chase him through the park!" his friend said.

Several years ago, and this story is true, I was riding "shot gun" with a friend on a Road Train.(For our foreign readers - a road Train is a Prime Mover with up to 5 Trailers and they are regularly used for transporting goods and livestock in outback Australia).

We were moving cattle from a cattle station near the Alice up to Katherine and onto Darwin. Nothing special until we were flagged down by a couple of indigenous Australians who had run out of petrol about 250 just outside of Katherine. We pulled up and went back to see what the problem was and they pleaded up to tow them into town(Katherine) we laughed and said that they were crazy to want our truck to tow an old rust bucket of a Ford 250 KM on a dirt road.

Anyway they managed to convince Pete and they produced a large chain and Pete said that the chain would rip the front off the car, because a chain has no give in it and so Pete came up with a tow rope that they could use. They eagerly pushed more...

Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt. Spouse #2: That`s not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.

A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend,"What's happened to your car?" "Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer"." OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt?" "Well, I had to chase him all through the park."

Paddy just arrived in America from Ireland on holiday. Now, never having seen a baseball game before, he decides that now would be a good time. So, he goes to the park, and gets himself a bleacher seat. Now, Paddy sees a guy step up to the plate with a stick in his hand. The guy standing on the hump of dirt throws a ball at the guy with the stick, who then *crack* hits the ball and starts running down the side. Everyone around Paddy stands up and shouts "RUN! RUN!!" A second guy steps up to the plate, and damn, if the guy on that hump of dirt doesn't throw that ball again. And again, the guy with the stick *crack* hits the ball and runs down the side. And again, everyone around Paddy again, stands and shouts "RUN! RUN!!" Now, a third guy steps up to the plate with a stick in his hands. This time, when the guy on the hump of dirt throws the ball, the guy with the stick doesn't do anything. And the guy squatting behind the guy with the stick tosses the ball back to more...

Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick
themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort
in their saliva that works like new, improved Wisk - dislodging the
dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
I've spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind
believers, I've been able to discount all the facts to the
contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage
and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must
look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary
and announce: "This cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in
Juarez."
When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some
advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your
arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of more...