Dirt Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35, 000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?
Get more cement.
What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?
Law-suits.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?
The bucket.
"Buy one get one free" -
This is just seconds after the company announced that the item would cost 20 times more than it used to."Some restrictions apply." -
Unless you are a 20-year-old coal miner from Virginia, this sale will not apply to you."Limited Time Offer" -
It ends just before our commerical ends."Buy two for the price of one." -
See "Buy one get one free""Buy 156 get one free!" -
We're just testing how far a human will go for a freebie."Leaves floors virtually clean" -
Removes all dirt that is from virtual reality, but doesn't get rid of any real dirt.
Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot, everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot.
So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.
Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?"
Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."
The first worm says, "What kind of day is it?"
The other worm says, "You know, I don't know, but I was thinking of going up and checking it out."
The first worm says, "That's a good idea. Why don't you do that."
So the second worm starts on his way up through the dirt.
At the same time, two lady golfers are walking along the fairway.
The first one says, "Jeez, I gotta wiz."
Her friend says, "Well, it's very early. There's nobody else here on the course."
"Do it right here. Nobody will know."
The first lady says, "You think so? Right here?"
Her friend says, "Yeah. Why not?"
She pulls down her skivvies, and lifts up her little golf dress and she squats.
She's just about to commence when the worm pokes his head up out of the grass right below her. She lets fly, and forget it, he gets drenched. He's dripping wet as he goes back down through the dirt. He goes up to more...
Three Scientists were speaking to God. "Hey, God, you're not needed anymore. We can make Man ourselves.
"Oh really," God replied.
"Yes, really," said one of the Scientists. "As a matter of fact, just to prove it, why don't we have a contest to see who can make a man faster, you or us?"
"Ok," answered God, "let's do that."
The Scientist went back to his friends and explained, "We're going to have a contest with God to see who can make a man faster, Him or us."
So, the first Scientist went out and scooped up a large pile of dirt. Just then, a bolt of lightning struck the ground near him, causing him to drop the pile of dirt. Startled, he looked up at God and said, "What?!?"
"Get your own dirt!" God bellowed.
Spouse #1: Honey, this coffee tastes like dirt.
Spouse #2: That's not surprising, dear, it was just ground this morning.