Discouraged Jokes / Recent Jokes

Conduct During the Holiday Season...
Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.
Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.
(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)
Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."
Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.
All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.
Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.
Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.
Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

Conduct During the Holiday Season...Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

Conduct During the Holiday Season... Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house." Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year. All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001. Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans. Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged. Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests.
"Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test," the doctor said.
The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, "Are you alright?"
"No" the old man said. "This just isn't going to work." he dejectedly explained. "There's no hope for me, I've worn out my left hand, I've worn out my right hand, I've run cold water over it, and I've run hot water over it. I've even thumped it on the edge of the sink.
But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!"

This 82-year-old man married a 22-year-old woman and they decided that they wanted to have kids. So after trying for a while with no success, he went to see the urologist, pretty discouraged. The urologist said not to get discouraged and that they could run some tests."Take this specimen jar into the bathroom and leave me a specimen to test," the doctor said.The old man closed the door, and about an hour and a half later, still had not come out. The doctor came by and asked, "Are you alright?""No" the old man said. "This just isn't going to work." he dejectedly explained. "There's no hope for me, I've worn out my left hand, I've worn out my right hand, I've run cold water over it, and I've run hot water over it. I've even thumped it on the edge of the sink.But no way can I get the top off this specimen jar!"

A widow was feeling rather lonely and decided that the best thing forher would be to have a companion. So, off she went to the pet shop.She wasn't sure just what kind of pet she'd like, so she figured she'djust walk around until she found just the 'right one.' She went pastthe adorable little puppies, past the playful kittens, past thepreening birds, past the sleeping hamsters, past the whirling gerbils, and past the colorful fish.Nothing really appealed to her and seemed to be just what she waslooking for. She decided to go around the store again.On the way over to the puppies, she walked by a barrel. At the bottomof the barrel was a rather nasty looking toad. When she looked in, heWINKED at her! Our poor widow just shook herself! She couldn'tbelieve it. She rather quickly went back to the other pets ondisplay.Once again, she checked out those sweet little puppies, the darlingkittens, the fluttering birds, the fuzzy hamsters, the sleek gerbils, and the darting fish. Nothing really, more...