Conduct Jokes

Conduct During the Holiday Season...Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged.Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house."Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year.All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001.Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans.Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged.Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

Conduct During the Holiday Season... Running aluminum foil through a paper shredder at Kinko's to make tinsel is discouraged. Playing Jingle Bells on a neighbor's push-button phone during a party is forbidden.(It runs up an incredible long distance bill.)Rental cars are not to be used to go "over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house." Endlessly singing "Frosty, the Snowman" under your breath at the mall will result in "no presents" this year. All fruitcake is to be eaten before July 25, 2001. Laced Eggnog will not be secreted in Pepsi cans. Letting Grampa play "Santa" in long underwear dyed red is discouraged. Several children are still in therapy as a result of last year's "incident" when Flopsy, Mopsy and Peter Cottontail made an unexpected "appearance."

The US Army is currently in the midst of a sexual harassment scandal. It started at a small base in Aberdeen, Maryland. These are some things you might either see in the news, or hear about:
As a result of an internal investigation, one of the Duty Officer's stunning, blonde staffers was transferred from Aberdeen Maryland to an obscure base in Utah. The woman reported to her new Commanding Officer and handed him her orders. He glanced at them and said, "Well Private, your duties here will be pretty much the same as your last assignment." The girl sighed and said, "Yes Sir. I kind-of figured that. Will be be OK if I drape my uniform over this chair?"
Then there was the newly promoted Army Captain who promptly had his female Quartermaster on the carpet because she forgot to include a sofa in his office.
"I'm telling you Jody, I've never been happier" said the one recruit to the other. I have two Drill Sergeants madly in love with me. One is just more...

While visiting England recently, George W. Bush was invited to have tea with the Queen.

Given his recent political problems, he decides to take advantage of her years of leadership experience and asks her for her advice. She responds that she surrounds herself with the most intelligent people she can find and lets them do their jobs.

Intrigued with this novel theory, Bush asks her how she is able to tell if the people are intelligent.

"I do so by asking them a test question" responds the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

The Queen then dials 10 Downing Street and asks to speak to Tony Blair. "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer a hypothetical question for me."

"I'll do my best, Your Majesty" responds Blair.

"Your mother has a child and your father has a child" says the Queen. "The child is not your brother or your sister. Who is the child?"

Tony Blair more...

Several years ago the United States funded a study to determine why the
head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two
years
and cost over $180, 000. The results of the study concluded that the
head
of a man's penis is larger than the shaft was to provide the man with
more
pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, Germany decided to conduct their own
study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the
US
study were incorrect. After three years of research and a cost in
excess
of $250, 000, they concluded thatthe head of a man's
penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more
pleasure during sex.

When the results of the German study were released, Poland decided to
conduct their own studies. So after nearly three weeks of intensive
research and a cost of right around $75, the Polish study was complete.
The polish more...