Dispatcher Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is the story of the night my ten-year-old cat, Rudy, got his head stuck in the garbage disposal. I knew at the time that the experience would be funny if the cat survived, so let me tell you right up front that he's fine. Getting him out wasn't easy, though, and the process included numerous home remedies, a plumber, two cops, an emergency overnight veterinary clinic, a case of mistaken identity, five hours of panic, and fifteen minutes of fame.

My husband, Rich, and I had just returned from a vacation in the Cayman Islands, where I had been sick as a dog the whole time, trying to convince myself that if I had to feel lousy, it was better to do it in paradise. We had arrived home at 9 p.m., a day and a half later than we had planned because of airline problems. I still had illness-related vertigo, and because of the flight delays, had not been able to prepare the class I was supposed to teach at 8:40 the next morning. I sat down at my desk to think and around ten more...

The blonde made a call to 911 to report her car had been vandalized. Hysterically, she explained to the dispatcher that they had stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel and even the brake and gas pedals. The 911 dispatcher told her to stay calm and they would have an officer there within minutes.
Before the police had a chance to arrive the 911 dispatcher received a second call from the blonde.
Giggling, she told him, "Never mind, I was in the back seat!"

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
He
went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first
thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver
was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away
the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few
minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see yourregistration?"
asked the cop.
"Registration... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The
officer more...

There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over forspeeding, the cop asks," can I see your license and registrationplease!"The blonde responds, "license and registration what is that?"The cop respnds," you will find your license in your purse andregistration in your glove compartment."The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car, and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies,"this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?" The cop replies,"yes it is." The dispatcher says, "go back to her car and drop yourpants."The cop responds back,"I cant do that!" The dispatcher says, "trustme, just do it!" then the cop replies,"ok whatever you say!"So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants. The blonde turnsaround and says, "oh no, not another breathalizer test!"

Dispatcher: Nine-one-oneCaller: Hi, is this the police? Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? Caller: Well, I dont know who to call. Can you tell me how tocook a turkey? Ive never cooked one before.