Patrol Jokes

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina state line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, from S.C., got out and watched the performance briefly. He then went over more...

One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding.
He
went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first
thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver
was! Blue eyes, blonde, the works.
"I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am. Could I see your drivers
license?" "What's a license???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away
the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.
"It's usually in your wallet," replied the officer. After fumbling for a few
minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see yourregistration?"
asked the cop.
"Registration... what's that....?" asked the blonde.
"It's usually in your glove compartment." said the cop impatiently.
After some more fumbling, she found the registration.
"I'll be back in a minute." said the cop and walked back to his car. The
officer more...

Recently, a routine police patrol was parked outside a local neighborhood bar in Wisconsin. Late in the evening, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly watching.

After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started his car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.

At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer having patiently waited more...

Only a Kentuckian could think of this...
From the state where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Lexington, KY.
After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car which he fell into.
He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off it was a fine, dry summer night -- flicked the blinkers on, then off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patron vehicles left.
At last, more...

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"