District Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Bellevue, WAThere's a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling. Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone. Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form. The mother gave a Renton address. The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District."No way," said the mother. "Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools."
A Pollock walks over the Red Light District in Amsterdam when suddenlyhe notices a fine looking hooker looking at him.He stops, bangs on the window and says,"So, what does this cost ??!!".And the hooker replies,"25 dollars !!".And the Pollock said, "Hmm, that's not a lot of money for insulatedwindows !!".
Judge Jerry Buchmeyer of the US District Court for the Northern District of Texas writes a monthly article for the Texas Bar Journal. Often, he cites unusual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses during trials.
The following true exchange says it all:
Lawyer: "So, Doctor, you determined that a gunshot wound was the cause of death of the patient?"
Doctor: "That's correct."
Lawyer: "Did you examine the patient when he came to the emergency room?"
Doctor: "No, I performed the autopsy."
Lawyer: "OK, were you aware of his vital signs when he was at the hospital?"
Doctor: "He came into the emergency room in shock and died a short time later."
Lawyer: "Did you pronounce him dead at that time?"
Doctor: "No, I am the pathologist who performed the autopsy. I was not involved with the patient initially."
Lawyer: "Well, are you even sure then, that he died in more...
An eminent psychologist was called to testify in court. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.
Tilting back in her chair she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."