Divorce Jokes / Recent Jokes
With the divorce, I got custody of the kids and she got custody of the money.
Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce? the solicitor questioned his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?" "Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport." The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?" "No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "Oi'm always first out of bed." Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "What I'm trying to find out are what grounds you have." "Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat - not even a window box, let alone grounds." "Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation, "you need a reason that the court can consider. "What is the reason for you seeking this divorce?" "Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an intelligent conversation."
Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?
A: Someone is going to lose a trailer.
Morris calls his son in NY and says," Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama." The son is shocked and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up.""But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?""It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell
her. It will spare me the pain.""But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?""No I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have an appointment with more...
Anyone who thinks that severance pay is something new probably doesn't understand alimony.
No man knows how short a month can be until he has to pay alimony.
Paying alimony is like having your television on while you're asleep.
I sued for divorse on the grounds of mental cruelty. A couple of times, she tried to kill me.
We had a Hollywood divorce. She asked for custody of the money.
It was a rather friendly divorce, we split up the house equally. I got the outside.
I'm never getting married again. I'll just find some woman I really hate and buy her a house.
A Chinese detective was given an assignment to follow two lovers, The husband wanted evidence for a divorce.
Chinese detective was giving his report in the divorce court.and the prosecuting council said," now Chan, In your own words give an account of the affairs," "Velly glood, I will tly", Me see he leave hotel, then she leave hotel, me see he go in car she flollow, get in car." " cary on Chan you are doing very well,"
Man dlive car, me get in me car me flollow mans car" Me see he dlive to small cluntly house, and he go inside, she flollow, me see light go on upstairs, me climbe up tree look fluu windlow, Light he goes on in dee room, me look through window." Carry on Chan, said the council. "Vell sir, me see he undless she, me see she undless he. me see he play with she, me see he play with shee. Me play with me, me fall from tlee me no more see".