"Oneliners about the Divorce" joke

Anyone who thinks that severance pay is something new probably doesn't understand alimony.
No man knows how short a month can be until he has to pay alimony.
Paying alimony is like having your television on while you're asleep.
I sued for divorse on the grounds of mental cruelty. A couple of times, she tried to kill me.
We had a Hollywood divorce. She asked for custody of the money.
It was a rather friendly divorce, we split up the house equally. I got the outside.
I'm never getting married again. I'll just find some woman I really hate and buy her a house.

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