Doctor Jokes / Recent Jokes

John and his wife were thrilled to see that his penis was growing larger and staying erect much longer. After several weeks though, he noticed that it had grown to almost twenty one inches. This was causing him great concern so both he and his wife made an appointment with a very well-known urologist.
After examining him, the doctor explained to the couple that although it was very rare, John's condition could be cured through corrective surgery.
"Should we agree to this, doctor," asked the anxious wife, "how long would John need to be on crutches?"
"Crutches? Why would he need to be on crutches?" the doctor inquired.
"You are planning on lengthening John's legs, aren't you?" she replied.

A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of
his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty
because he thought it wasn't really ethical to screw one of his
patients.
However, a little voice in his head said "Lots of other doctors have
sex with their patients so its not like you're the first...".
This made the doctor feel a little bit better until still another
voice in his head said, "... but then, they probably weren't veterinarians".

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend.
This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother. 'Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. 'I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and more...

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
Enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy
that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a
cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Alabama), light it, put it in a
beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man,
but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia
physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a
vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor
instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light more...

Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open?
Patient: Yes.
Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely?
Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have.

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I
have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do
you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I
have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season.
One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally
picked up his umbrella instead of his gun.

When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the
stream. He raised his umbrella and went,' bang, bang' and the
rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem.
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself." That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife. At home, his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the 69 position.
The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my dick and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"