Doctor Jokes / Recent Jokes

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex.
"Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers.
"Well, American beer," he replies quite bemused.
"Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers... you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow."
Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him.
"I take it you now drink Guinness?"
asked the doctor.
"Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

A guy gos to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says,"Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news. The guy says "well gimme the worst news first." The doc says well sir you have Cancer.The guy says "thats terrible news, but whats the bad news?" The doc says well sir you also have Alzheimers disease. And the guy says well, at least I dont have Cancer.

What do you call an anesthesiologist who shows up for work wearing a rabbit suit?
An ether bunny!

An old snake went to his doctor and told him, "Doc, I think I need something for my eyes. I don't seem to see very well nowadays."
The doctor fixed him up with a pair of glasses and told him to return in a couple of weeks for a check up.
When he returned two weeks later, the doctor asked him how his vision was since he had the new glasses.
"Great," replied the snake. "Only problem is, now I'm very depressed."
"Why are you depressed?" asked the doctor. "Didn't the glasses help?"
"Oh, the glasses are great, doc," replied the snake. "The problem is, when I got home with them, I realized I've been sleeping with a garden hose for the past couple of years."

A little boy went to the doctor's office and was just a little bit nervous, because he had to get a shot today. The doctor noticed this and tried to calm him down, "If you had a million dollars what would you get?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "A box of tampax." The doctor was confused and asked him why? "Well," the little boy said. "The commercials said that if you wear them then you can swim, ride a horse, or do sports anytime you want to."

A man was experiencing a great deal of pain from a bad case of hemorrhoids, so he went to see his doctor. The doctor told him that the pain could be relieved by suppositories and asked if he would like him to insert the first one. Slightly embarrassed, the man agreed. He bent over, held his breathe and felt a sharp pain as the doctor inserted it.
"Now, the next one should be inserted in about six hours," the doctor said. "If you have a problem doing it yourself, ask your wife to help you."
The man went home and laid down for a couple of hours. Later that evening, he attempted to insert the second suppository but found he couldn't do it himself, so he asked his wife for help. She told him to bend over and put one hand on his shoulder to help steady him. As soon as she stuck the suppository in, he let out a scream.
"I'm sorry, dear. Did I hurt you?" she asked.
"No, it's not that," he said, his face ashen in color. "I just more...

A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it.Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.Patient: I wanna second opinion.Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.