Double Jokes / Recent Jokes

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, “Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I’m so mad, I can’t even see straight. ” The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort. The man swills down the drink and says, “Gimme another one. ” The bartender pours the drink, but says, “Now, before I give you this, why don’t you let off a little steam and tell me why you’re so upset? ”
So, the man begins his tale. “Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, “Wow, this has never happened before. ” You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I’d like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn’t believe this was happening, and I hadn’t had a good meal in quite a while. I managed to nod my head more...

Two monkeys entered a bar and ordered a couple of beer. The bartender was quite taken back since he had never served monkeys before. He quickly ran upstairs to the office to consult with his manager.
"Ted, there's a couple of monkeys downstairs ordering some beer. What do I do?" he said.
"Serve them, you idiot," the manager growled. "Hey, wait a minute. Monkeys are pretty dumb, so charge them double for their beer. They'll never know the difference."
The bartender went back downstairs, served the monkeys their beer, and charged them double the price. Later in the evening, the monkeys were still nursing the same beer while the bartender was tidying up. Curious about the furry creatures, the bartender said, "Say, we don't get a lot of monkeys in here."
The monkeys looked at each other, then back at the bartender, and one said, "Well, with prices like these, it's no wonder!"

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such a Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However," he pointed out, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah. Right."
Thanx to W. F. Norman.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up,' Yeah, right.'

How can a can you double your money? By folding it in half.

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto? Fill the gas tank!