Double Jokes / Recent Jokes
A business man enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a
double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks
inside his shirt pocket, then asks the bartender to prepare another
double martini.
After he finishes the second one, he again peeks inside his shirt
pocket, and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The same pattern is repeated a few rounds; the business man drinks a
double martini on the rocks, peeks inside his shirt pocket, and orders
another one.
Finally, the bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you martinis all
night long, no problem with that. But you just gotta tell me why you
look inside your shirt pocket every time before you order a refill!"
The man replies, "Oh, I'm just peeking at a photo of my wife. When she
starts to look good, then I know it's time for me to go home."
A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
pissed I can't even see straight!"
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another
ONE!"
The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give
you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY
you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale:
"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar. I
thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know,
it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of
minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the
blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was more...
Guy walks into a bar and orders a double scotch. Gulps it down in one drink and peeks into his shirt pocket. Orders another double scotch. Tosses it back and peeks into his shirt pocket. This process is repeated numerous times and finally after about ten the bartender asks the guy...
"Buddy..Can I ask you a question?"
Guy looks at him through bleary eyes and says sure.
Bartender says... "What's the deal? You've knocked back about a half a bottle of scotch and after every drink you look in your shirt pocket and order another. What's in the pocket?"
Guy says "Picture of my wife... and just as soon as she starts looking good... I'm heading home."
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka. ”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. ” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay. ”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too! ”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women? ”
“Yeah, my wife! ”
A double whammy: Why do elephants paint thier testicles red? So they can hide in cherry trees. What's the loudest noise in the jungle? A Monkey eating cherries.
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."