Downstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked "THE BOOK" and didn't find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.
Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large number of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn't find, they would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.
Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and folks were more...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock - it's half-past three in the morning."I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife. So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to realize the man was drunk. "Hi there," slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push?""No. Get lost, it's half past three. I was in bed," says the man and slams the door.He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you.Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up fromthe baby-sitter and you had to knock on that man's door to get us started again? Whatwould have happened if he'd told us to get more...

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you."
So up she went again. When she more...

Rosa just got married and, being a girl who was brought up the traditional way, was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, she was at her mother's house and was very nervous. "Don't worry, Rosa," her mother reassured her. "Antonio's a good man. Go upstairs and he will take good care of you."
When Rosa got upstairs, Antonio took off his shirt, exposing his hairy chest. She quickly ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, Antonio's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Rosa. All good men have hairy chests. Go back upstairs and he will take good care of you," said her mother.
Rosa went upstairs again and when she went into the bedroom, Antonio took off his pants, exposing his hairy legs. Once more, she turned and ran downstairs to her mother, "Mama, Antonio took off his pants and he has hairy legs!"
"Sweetheart, all good men have hairy legs," her mother explained. "Antonio is a good man. Go upstairs more...

A more realistic view of what happened to the porridge!

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.

He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty!

"Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells:

"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke up everybody else in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the more...

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up more...

Maria had just gotten married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin.
On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous.
But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you."
So up she went.
When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and said, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest."
"Don't worry, Maria," said her mother," all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
Up she went again.
When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs.
Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother, "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!"
"Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go up stairs and he'll take good care of you."
Up she went more...