Downstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here? ” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor? ” “Yep”.
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk “Do you live here? ” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep”. So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a more...

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years. Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance. "You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained. After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse. While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream. Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs. "You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"

Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said that, since Christmas was coming up that he should ask Johnny what he wanted Santa to bring him. If he cussed, he should leave a pile of dog shit in place of the gift. Two days before Christmas, Johnny's dad asked Johnny what he wanted. Johnny said, "I want a goddamned teddy-bear laying right fuckin here beside me when I wake-up Christmas morning. Then, when I go downstairs I want to see a motherfuckin' train going around the goddamned tree, and when I go outside I want to see a red-assed fuckin' bike leaning up against the damn garage!"Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog shit. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog shit around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog shit by the garage. When he walked back inside with a curious look on his more...

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning." I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" sayshis wife. So he drags himself out of bed, and goes downstairs. He opensthe door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take thehomeowner long to realize the man was drunk." Hi there." slurs the stranger, "Can you give me a push??" "No, getlost, it's half past three. I was in bed." says the man and slams thedoor. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that night we broke downin the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the baby-sitterand you had to knock on that man's house to get us started again? Whatwould have happened if he'd told us to get more...

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?!!" he squeaks.
Papa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my Porridge?!!" he roars.
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this with you idiots? It was Momma Bear who got up first, it was Momma Bear who woke everyone in the house, it was Momma Bear who made the coffee, it was Momma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away, it was Momma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper, it was Momma Bear who set the damn table, it was Momma Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box, and filled the cat's water and food dish and, now that you've decided to drag your sorry more...

Grandpa is upstairs in his bed in a coma and Grandma is worried that he is going to die. She says to her grandson, "You stay here and watch Grandpa while I prepare some food. Be sure to let me know if there are any changes in his condition."
Pretty soon Grandpa wakes up and says to his grandson, "Do I smell Grandma's cookies? Run downstairs and tell Grandma I'd like some of her cookies."
The boy goes downstairs, then comes back up and says to Grandpa, "Sorry Grandpa, Grandma says you can't have any. They're for the funeral."

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. "What's wrong?" asked his mother. "Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?" he sobbed. "In a way they do," said his mother. "And when they die so they turn back to dust?" "Yes, they do." The little boy began to cry again. "Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going."