Downstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again -- the strain would be too much. The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation. This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs -- she's coming downstairs, he's heading up. "Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide." "I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

An elderly couple, still very loving after all these years, is shocked when the woman's doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again--the strain would be too much.
The couple reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and the husband decides he'd better sleep downstairs on the couch to guard against temptation.
This works for a few weeks, until late one night when they meet each other on the stairs--she's coming downstairs, he's heading up.
"Honey, I have a confession to make," the woman says, her voice quavering. "I was about to commit suicide."
"I'm glad to hear it, sweetie," the man says, "Because I was just coming upstairs to kill you!"

10 year old Johnny's mother, who was a hard working single mom, had been promising for some time now to buy poor Johnny a bike. Johnny, who loved his Momma dearly, hadn't made a big deal about it for a long time, but suddenly decided NOW was the right time to ask. So he rushes downstairs to tell his Momma that he wanted his bike and he wanted it now. He gets downstairs, looks around, doesn't see his mother, so he rushes back upstairs, opens the door to his mother's room and stops dead in his tracks,' cause there was his Momma, laying stark naked on her bed, rubbing herself all over repeating " Oh, I need a man, Ohhh I need a man." Johnny, who was naturally a little stunned by the sight, backs quietly out the door and goes back to his room. Well, a few days passes and Johnny works up the nerve to once again tell his Mother that he wants his bike and he wants it NOW. So he rushes downstairs, doesn't see his mother, he rushes upstairs, opens Momma's door and there once again more...

10 year old Johnny's mother, who was a hard working single mom, had been promising for some time now to buy poor Johnny a bike.Johnny, who loved his Momma dearly, hadn't made a big deal about it for a long time, but suddenly decided NOW was the right time to ask. So he rushes downstairs to tell his Momma that he wanted his bike and he wanted it now.He gets downstairs, looks around, doesn't see his mother, so he rushes back upstairs, opens the door to his mother's room and stops dead in his tracks, 'cause there was his Momma, laying stark naked on her bed, rubbing herself all over repeating " Oh, I need a man, Ohhh I need a man."Johnny, who was naturally a little stunned by the sight, backs quietly out the door and goes back to his room.Well, a few days passes and Johnny works up the nerve to once again tell his Mother that he wants his bike and he wants it NOW. So he rushes downstairs, doesn't see his mother, he rushes upstairs, opens Momma's door and there once again was more...

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing." What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison." Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?" "Well... I would have gotten out today!"

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a very shear blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to go out like that!

The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes downstairs and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says. "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rosebuds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

Happy Gardening.

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.

Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?

Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair.
He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty!
"Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars?

Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -
"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"

"It was' Momma Bear' who got up first."
"It was' Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up."
"It was' Momma Bear' who made the Coffee."
"It was' Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away."
"It was' Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning more...