Downstairs Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the dark, stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She got out of bed, cautiously went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She opened the door to the cellar and went down to the steps to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, crying.
She asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
He replied, "Remember when your father caught us together, when you were 16? Remember he said I had a choice: I could either marry you, or be sent away to prison for the next 20 years."
Baffled, she said, "Yes."
The husband bawled, "I would have been released from prison today."

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.
She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?"
"Well...I would have gotten out today!"

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs. She went downstairs and looked all around, finally finding her husband in the basement, crouched in the corner, facing the wall, and
sobbing.
"What's wrong with you?" she asked him.
"Remember when your father caught us having sex when you were sixteen?", he replied.
"And remember he said I had two choices; I could either marry you, or spend the next twenty years in prison."
Baffled, she said, "Yes, I remember, so what?"
"I would have been released today."

A woman woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from their bed. In the stillness of the house, she could hear a muffled sound downstairs.She went downstairs and looked all around, still not finding her husband. Listening again, she could definitely hear moaning. She went down to the basement to find her husband, crouched in the corner facing the wall, sobbing."What's wrong with you?" she asked him. "Remember when your father caught us fooling around when you were 16?" he replied. "And remember, he said, I had two choices: I could either marry you, or spend the next 20 years in prison."Baffled, she said, "yes, I remember. So?""Well...I would have gotten out today!"

A couple had been happily married for 40 years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of loudly farting every morning as he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off as it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural.
She told him to see a doctor as she was concerned that one day he was going to fart his guts out.
The years went by and he continued to rip them out.
Then one Christmas morning as she was downstairs preparing the turkey and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had just put the turkey innards, neck, gizzards, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl upstairs where her hubby was sound asleep and gently pulling back the bed covers, she slid down his underwear at the back and emptied the bowl more...

A mechanical engineer died & went to heaven. Upon arrival Saint Peter checked "THE BOOK" and didn't find his name, so he informed the engineer that he must get on the elevator and go DOWNSTAIRS.

Reluctantly the engineer boarded the elevator for the long trip DOWNSTAIRS and upon arrival in hell found that he was very uncomfortable due to the excessive heat. He asked to see the devil and was granted an interview, at which time he requested a large of materials with which to build an air conditioner. The devil replied that he could have anything he wished, and what he couldn't find, they would steal. So the engineer spent a month and a half building an air conditioner, which, when completed, cooled hell off only a few degrees.

Somewhat unsatisfied the engineer requested additional materials, with which he spent another month and a half building a sprinkler system to add to the cooling effect of his air conditioner. Hell was getting much cooler now and more...

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here? ” “Yep! ” “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep. ” When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor? ” “Yep. ” Then the Good Samaritan got to think that maybe he didn’t want to face the man’s irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through it then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk “Do you live here? ” “Yep. ” “Would you like me to help you upstairs? ” “Yep. ” So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk, Then went back downstairs. To his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over toward him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and more...