Dread Jokes

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through our house
was blasting the "St. Vitus Dance" by Bauhaus;
Torn fishnets were draped on my forearms with care,
And two cans of Aquanet applied to my hair;
My thoughts were of graveyards, and horror and dread,
Black visions of pain and despair in my head;
And Bianca, whose face was as pale as the moon,
Had thrown up her arm for this evening's swoon,
When out by the gravestones there came such a clatter,
I sprang from the coffin to find out the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a ghost,
Expecting to find a dark devilish host.
The moon on the breast of the uncaring snow
Threw ominous shadows on objects below,
When, before my tormented eyes did traverse,
But a gorgeous black Crane & Breed carved-panel hearse,
With a gaunt, shrouded driver, who filled me with fear,
And eight skeletal creatures that might have been deer.
More rapid more...

Twas the night before Y2K, and all through the nation
We awaited The Bug, The millennium sensation.

The chips were replaced in computers with care,
In hopes that ol' Bugsy wouldn't stop there.

While some folks could think they were snug in their beds
Others had visions of dread in their heads.

And Ma with her PC, and I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net and kicked back with a snack.

When over the server, there arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates to see what was the matter.

But he was away, so I flew like a flash
Off to my bank to withdraw all my cash.

When what with my wandering eyes should I see?
My good old Mac looked sick to me.

The hack of all hackers was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be The Y2K Bug!

His image downloaded in no time at all,
He whistled and shouted, "Let all systems fall!"

Go Intel! Go Gateway! more...

The night before Y2K
'Twas the night before Y2K,
And all through the nation
We awaited The Bug,
The Millennium sensation.
The chips were replaced
In computers with care,
In hopes that ol' Buggy
Wouldn't stop there.
While some folks could think
They were snug in their beds
Others had visions
Of dread in their heads.
And Ma with her PC,
And I with my Mac
Had just logged on the Net
And kicked back with a snack.
When over the server,
There arose such a clatter
I called Mister Gates
To see what was the matter.
But he was away,
So I flew like a flash
Off to my bank
To withdraw all my cash.
When what with my wandering eyes
Should I see?
My good old Mac
Looked sick to me.
The hack of all hackers
Was looking so smug,
I knew that it must be
The Y2K Bug!
His image downloaded
In no time at all,
He whistled and shouted,
Let all systems fall!
Go Intel! more...

What are three words you dread the most while making love? "Honey, I'm home."