Dress Jokes / Recent Jokes

Husband and wife in their bedroom. The wife says to the husband: "Darling, take off my dress." The husband complies.
"And now", she says in a husky voice, "Take off my high heel shoes. That's nice. Now, take off my stockings and suspenders. Aaah, good. Now, gently unhook my bra and take it off. Goood. And finally, take off my panties, will you? Thank you.
AND DON'T YOU EVER LET ME CATCH YOU WEAR ANY OF THEM AGAIN!!!"

A woman was shopping in a fairly nice dress store. Trying on a dress and liking it, she asked the salesman the price. When he told her she launched into a tirade about prices these days, covering just about everything from housing to auto tires.

After ten minutes or so, the salesman had obviously had enough and said, "My dear lady. If the cost of living is so high and obviously so offensive to you, why do you bother?"

Casual Fridays:

Week 1 - Memo No. 1
Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice.

Week 3 - Memo No. 2
Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.

Week 6 - Memo No. 3
Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday`s wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.

Week 8 - Memo No. 4
A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. A fashion show will follow. Attendance is mandatory.

Week 9 - Memo No. 5
As an outgrowth of Friday`s seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper casual-day dress.

Week 14 - Memo No. 6
The Casual Day Task Force has now completed a 30-page manual entitled "Relaxing Dress more...

Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to
my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand.""Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!"

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her
husband,
"I bet you don't know what day this is."
"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going
out the
door to the office.
At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman
opened the door, she was handed a box containing
a dozen long stemmed red roses.
At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her
favorite chocolates arrived.
Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.
The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come
home.
"First the flowers then the chocolates, and then
the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a
more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"

There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was awarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded.
One day a lady asked him, "What do you think of my dress? It cost me thousands of dollars."
The boy replied, "That is the most stupid dress I have ever seen in my life, and will haunt me in my afterlife! It's more terrible than a fifty-year old swine that was drowned in mud when it was three! I think you should go back to the garbage disposal and feed it to a goat!" He said all that truthfully.
After he said that, the lady called 911 and he went to juvenile hall.

Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress. "You'll never get away with this," she cried. "Some brave knight will rescue me!" "Not in that thing," the evil king replied. She waited day and night, but it was just as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I've mentioned, was very disgusting. After many months the princess broke down crying and the evil king taunted her, "You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"