Drivers Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those drivers." So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign that said:

SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The' school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.

And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called more...

Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers liscence?
A: She wasn't used to the front seat!

Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases onesexposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, this driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies - two in
the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should
know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to
other
drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?
No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an
hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer,
trying to
contain more...

I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over my cell phone!

Millions of British drivers use traffic lights and jams as the perfect opportunity to pick up a hot date and sometimes even a marriage partner, according to a survey.

Up to 2 million UK motorists every day openly flirt while driving, the survey shows.

Half-a-million sleep with someone after initially spotting them during a road trip and as many 150, 000 have met their husband or wife in
traffic.

On-the-road flirting is most common in Wales, where over 60 per cent of drivers admit to exchanging sultry glances with others from behind the wheel, according to the survey of motorists carried out by car company Vauxhall.

Courtesy - Reuters

At age 4.... success is.... not peeing in your pants.
At age 12... success is.... having friends.
At age 17... success is.... having a drivers license.
At age 20... success is.... having sex.
At age 35... success is.... having money.
At age 50... success is.... having money.
At age 60... success is.... having sex.
At age 70... success is.... having a drivers license.
At age 75... success is.... having friends.
At age 80... success is.... not peeing in your pants