Drivers Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems that life goes by resembling somewhat of a bell curve of what is considered successful...
At age 4... success is... not peeing in your pants.
At age 10... success is... making your own meals.
At age 12... success is... having friends.
At age 16... success is... having a drivers license.
At age 20... success is... having sex.
At age 35... success is... having money.
At age 50... success is... having money.
At age 60... success is... having sex.
At age 70... success is... having a drivers license.
At age 75... success is... having friends.
At age 80... success is... making your own meals.
At age 85... success is... not peeing in your pants.

17 percent of all car-crashes are caused by drunken drivers. So 83 percent of all crashes are caused by not-drunken drivers.
Why can't this sober guys stay off the streets and help us increase the safety of our car-traffic by mor than 400 percent?

Driving to Louisana on the interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup. As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Darn women drivers!

Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner!
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car usingmy knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL!
WOMEN DRIVERS!!!

Driving to the office this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup!!! It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car usingmy knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL! WOMEN DRIVERS!!!

Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice:The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one'sexposure.One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers.Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.

When people get behind the wheel of a car, their true personality comes out. In California, the Department of Motor Vehicles knows this. Anyone can get a drivers license in California, I mean ANYONE! But to get a license to drive in Los Angeles, California, one must get a special endorsement on their license. Would you qualify for that special endorsement? Take this test, total your score and see.1: Which part of your car wears out most often?
a: the wiper blades
b: the belts
c: the horn2: Automatic door locks are good for...
a: security
b: convenience
c: messing with the heads of people trying to get in3: I hate the rain because...
a: it lowers visibility and makes for less safe conditions
b: I answered (a) to question #1
c: I just washed my car4: Please select the statement that best describes you.
a: I have never written in the dust on someone's car
b: I have written "wash me" in the dust on someone's car
c: I more...