Drug Jokes / Recent Jokes

WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS
1300.01 GENERAL
Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or more...

One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10. 00."
The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor.
It will be better in two weeks.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer more...

A man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10. 00."
The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00.
The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks. Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if more...

Drug dealers Software developers
Refer to their clients as "users". Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!" "Download a free trial version..."
Have important South-East Asian Have important South-East Asian
connections(to help move the connections (to help debug the
stuff). code).
Strange jargon:"Stick," "Rock," Strange jargon: "SCSI," "RTFM,"
"Dime bag," "E." "Java," "ISDN."
Realize that there's tons of cash Realize that there's tons of cash
in the 14- to 25-year-old market. in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Job is assisted by the industry's Job is assisted by the industry's
producing newer, more potent producing newer, faster machines.
mixes.
Often seen in the company of of Often seen in the company of
pimps and hustlers. marketing people and venture
capitalists.
Their product causes more...

Drug Dealers
Software Developers
Refer to their clients as "users".
Refer to their clients as "users".
"The first one's free!"
"Download a free trial version..."
Have important Asian connections.
Have important Asian connections.
Strange jargon:
"Stick"
"Rock"
"Wrap"
"E"
"Stash"
"Drive-by"
"Hit (LSD)"
"Source"
"The Pigs"
Strange jargon:
"SCSI"
"RTFM"
"Packet"
"C"
"Cache"
"CTRL ALT DEL"
"Hit (WWW)"
"Source-code"
"Microsoft"
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Realise that there's tons of cash in the 14- to 25-year-old market.
Clients really like your stuff when it works. When it doesn't work they
want to kill more...

As supposedly reported on CNN: Undercover police, staging the wedding of "a drug kingpin's daughter", let it be known on the street that dealers were "invited" (i. e. Expected to attend). The bride and groom were police, as was the band, bartender, and about half the guests. The band playing at the wedding was "S. P. O. C." (COPS, backwards), and the wedding went through the full ceremony, including the dancing afterward. The long-sought dealers were arrested after the "band" took their break. The last song the band played before taking its break? "I Fought The Law, And The Law Won"

Three Labrador Retrievers, a chocolate, a yellow and a black, were sitting next to each other in the waiting room at the vet's office.
The black Lab turned to the yellow Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
"Well, I'm a pisser," the yellow Lab replied. "I pee on everything. The bed, the sofa, the carpet."
"So, what are they going to do to you?" asked the black Lab.
"They're going to put me on Prozac. My master heard it's a miracle drug that supposed to cure everything," explained the yellow Lab.
The black Lab thought about this for a few moments, then turned to the chocolate Lab and asked, "Why are you here?"
"I'm a digger," replied the chocolate Lab. "I dig into everything. The flower beds, the lawn, even the cushions on the chairs and the sofa."
"What are they going to do to stop you from digging?" inquired the black Lab.
"They're going to put me on Prozac. more...