Drug Jokes / Recent Jokes

Washington state attorney season and bag limits
1300. 01 GENERAL

1. Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.

2. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.

3. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.

4. It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.

5. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.

6. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.

7. It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.

8. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of more...

Two Guys are getting charged with drug dealing. In court the Judge tells both of em, "I will give you two the weekend to go out there and convince as much people as you can to quit drugs forever. The Two Men go "Ok" They come back on Monday and the first drug dealer goes "This weekend I got 10 people to quit drugs forever. The Judge Replies "How did you do that?" He Goes "I drew a small circle and a big circle, and i pointed to the small circle and said this is your brain on drugs"....Then the second drug dealer goes "Oh yeah, This weekend I got 100 people to quit drugs forever". The Judge says surprised. "Holy shit how did you do that?"..The second drug dealer goes..."I did the same thing, I drew a big circle and a small circle but I pointed to the small circle and said this is your asshole before prison.

One night a police officer named Mike was working the grave-yard shift and he drove to his house around 3 A. M. in the morning. He opened the door to the bedroom quietly and took off his clothes in the dark, and got in bed with his wife. Then she said, "Honey, can you go over to the Drug Store and pick me up some Asprin?" The husband said yes, got dressed in the dark, and walked over to the Drug Store. When he got to the Drug Store, he got the Asprin and went up to the desk so that the clerk could ring it up. Then when he got up there, the clerk asked,"Say, Aren't you Mike This-and-That?" Mike answered him and said, "Yes I am." Then the clerk looked puzzled and asked, "Well, aren't you a police officer?" And again Mike replied yes. Then the clerk asked,"Then why are you dressed like the fire chief?" Sent by Tyler

Two older ladies were swimming in the pool at a Miami hotel. One of
the ladies was about to get out of the pool and the first lady asked if
she would bring her a cigarette when she came back.
"That's no problem, dear." And pulling a condom from her halter,
untied the knot and revealed several cigarettes and some matches.
"That's clever. What do you call it?"
"Why, it's a condom, dear. You can get them at the drug store."
Later that day, the lady went into the drug store and asked the
druggist for some condoms. The druggist looked at the packages of various
quantities and asked the lady what size she wanted.
"Oh, big enough for a king sized Camel!"

Why do they call it "drug abuse" when the person "abusing the drugs" then ends up with half of his brain being rendered useless?

One day Pete was complaining to his friend "my elbow hurts. I bettersee a doctor". His friend said "Don't do that. There's a computer inthe drug store that can diagnose anything. It's quicker and cheaperthan visiting a doctor. Simply put a urine sample in the machine andit will diagnose your problem and tell you what to do about it. Itonly costs $10. 00." Pete figured he had nothing to lose so he filled a jar with a urinesample. He went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured inthe sample and deposited $10. 00. The computer started to make a weirdnose and various lights began to flash. After a brief pause, a smallslip of paper printed. It said: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor, it will be better in two weeks. Later that evening, while thinking how amazing that computer was, Petebegan to wonder if it could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples more...

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 AM.
Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache."
"Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "aren't you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?"
"Yes, I am," said the officer.
"Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief's uniform?"