Drugs Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.Devil: Why so glum? Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here.You a drinking man? Guy: Sure I love to drink.Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab... We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.Guy: Gee, that sounds great.Devil: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it.Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay...you're already dead! Guy: No way! Devil: I bet you like to gamble.Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've even opened up a Pai Gow poker table.Guy: Hmmm, I've never played pai gow more...

"Ways You Can Tell Your Pilot is on Drugs"10. All the in-flight meals are missing their dessert squares9. In between "May I" and "have your attention" there's a 45 minute pause. 8. He's constantly yelling, "Take that, Red Baron!"7. Shuttle from New York to Boston includes stopover in Colombia6. His co-pilot: Robert Downey Jr. 5. For the last hour, he's been riding the beverage cart like a rodeo cowboy. 4. Keeps coming on the P. A. to point out clouds that look like his old high school teachers. 3. His wings are pinned to his bare chest2. When you fly over international date line, he yells, "Dude! We're, like, time traveling!"1. When he exhales, the oxygen masks drop

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he was wallowing in
despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.
Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in Hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a
drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: Well, You're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do.
Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Mt.
Dew. We drink until we throw up and then drink some more.
Guy: Wow, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: Yeah, you better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars
from around the world and smooke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's
okay... you're already dead.
Guy: No Way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yeah, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack,
horseraces, you name it. we even opened more...

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the Devil.

Devil: Why so glum?
Guy: Why do you think? I'm in hell.
Devil: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?
Guy: Sure, I love to drink.
Devil: We'll you're gonna love Mondays, then. On Mondays that's all we do. Drink, Drink, Drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab... We drink until we throw up and then we drink some more.
Guy: Gee, that sounds great.
Devil: You a smoker?
Guy: You better believe it.
Devil: All right! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it's okay... you're already dead!
Guy: No way!
Devil: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Devil: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races; you name it. We've more...

One day this rich guy was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything: money, a big house in Beverly Hills, drugs, girls, cars, planes -- anything he wanted. The guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.

So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, getting high and partying next to the pool. The guy gets up on the lifeguard tower and all his friends look up.

He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person that swims across my pool will get all my money."

No one moves. The guy looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, " OK, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."

Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person that swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."

Still, no one moves, not even a eye blinks this time. "OK then, all my money, my more...

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."
Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the 1st one, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?"
"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...

_
/
| | O
_ /


and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," said the judge.
"And you, how did you do?"(to the 2nd more...

A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness.

The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?"

"No sir," answered the man.

"Did you ever get any from his wife?"

"No sir."

"Did you ever get any from his daughters?"

"Uh - excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we're still talking about drugs here, right?"