Monday Jokes

Mondays aren't so bad...it's my job that sucks.

Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
"That's more...

Monday is the root of all evil.

(My cousin forwarded this to me as a true story, I hope I'm not remiss by repeating it here:)
Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Alabama. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.
They had a great time. However, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Alabama until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a more...

A 70 year old woman went to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor told her she needed more activity & recommended sex three times a week.
She said to the doctor, "Please, tell to my husband".
The doctor goes out in the waiting room & tells the husband that his wife needs to have sex three times a week.
The 70 year old husband replies, " Which days ?"
The doctor says, " How about Monday, Wednesday and Friday."
The husband says, " I can bring her Monday & Wednesday, but on friday she'll have to take the bus.