Monday Jokes / Recent Jokes

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...

A guy goes to his doctor and says,
"Doc, I have a problem."
"My girlfriend is sleeping over this Friday, my ex-wife is sleeping over this Saturday and my wife is coming home Sunday."
"I need 3 Viagra pills to satisfy them all."
The doctor says, "You know 3 Viagra pills 3 nights in a row is pretty dangerous for any man. I will give them to you on the condition that you return to my office on Monday so that I can check you out."
The man says, "You have a deal Doc."
Monday morning the man returns with his arm in a sling.
The doctor asks, "What happened"?
The man answered, "Nobody showed up!"

A teacher was in class on Friday evening (last period).
She told the class that whichever student answered the
question correctly could have Monday off.
She asked "Who is the President of the United States?"
A boy rose his hand and said "Bill Clinton."
The teacher told him he could have Monday off, but the boy told her that he
was Jewish and that Jews don't take holidays for no reason.
The teacher told him not to raise his hand again and she decided to ask
another question. She said "What is the name of the last province that
joined in confederation with Canada?"
Another boy rose his hand and said "Newfoundland."
The teacher told him that he could have Monday off but the boy said that he
too was a Jew.
A big bully who was sitting at the back of the class said "Stupid Jews."
The teacher called out "Who said that?"
The bully called back "Hitler Miss! See yah more...

On Monday Governor Spitzer will turn in his key to the Governor’s Mansion.

But, don’t worry; he’ll keep the key to the mini bar.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese refugee had a discussion about the happiness of life. "To me, happiness is returning home on a Monday evening, having a wonderful dinner prepared by my wife, then slouching on the sofa watching Monday Night Football," the American said. "You Americans are not romantic at all", the French injected, "Spending a lovely evening with my lover, walking along the Seine river, and having a romantic dinner on top of the Eiffel tower. That is happiness of life." "You call those things happiness", the Vietnamese said, "then you two still don't understand life at all. Imagine this. You are sleeping soundly at night in Saigon. Then suddenly you hear loud knocks on your front door. You hear loud voices,' Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, open the door!'. Awaked with fear, you rush out and open the door. Right there, you see two secret policemen ready to handcuff you. One man say to you,' Mr. Nguyen Van Binh, you are under more...