Drunk Jokes

China, New Zealand, New England, and Samoa were all building a big Tower for their leaders. So after they were done building the tower each leader wanted to make a toast. China went first. He steps up and says, "I want to make a toast to the Great Wall of China!" All of the Chinese people cheered. Then, the leader of New Zealand steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to the green grass of New Zealand!" Everyone from New Zealand now cheered. Then the Prince of New England steps up and he says, "I want to make a toast to my mom the Queen of New England!" So everyone from New England cheered. Then finally a drunk Samoan from Samoa was about to toast but his leader tried to stop him but he couldn't so the drunk Samoan says, "(I want to make a toast to the Bull of Samoa.". Everyone freezes and they say "The Bull of Samoa... What is that?" Then he says, "Yeah the Bull of Samoa - The Bull of Samoa jumps over the Great Wall of more...

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied, she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick
up your heels." The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty and more...

An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a muscular guy. Then the alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

The guy looks at him and says," If you do that again I will cut your head off with this here knife!"

The alien just did it again and said bloop, bloop, bloop! In anger the guy cuts off the guys head. Immediately another one grows back. Then the alien pushes his finger into the gys shoulder and says: bloop, bloop, bloop!

The guy says if you do that again I will cut off your dick! The alien did it again so in his anger the guy pulls down the aliens pants and is shocked to see that there is no dick! In his astonishment he asks," If you don't have a dick then how do you have sex?"

The alien pushes his finger into the guys shoulder and says," bloop, bloop, bloop!"

A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ''I'm Jesus Christ.''
The first priest says, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ''No, son, I'm Jesus Christ.''
The drunk says, ''Look, I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ''Jesus Christ, you're here again?''

An obnoxious drunk in a bar keeps hitting on an a lesbian waiting for her date. The drunk just won't take no for an answer.

"Tell you what, I'll sleep with you if you can name one thing a man can do for me that my vibrator can't!" the lesbian smirks.

The obnoxious drunk thinks for a moment. "Okay, let's see your vibrator buy the next round of drinks!"