Dude Jokes / Recent Jokes
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden
this great big dude comes in and --WHACK!!-- he knocks him off the bar stool and says, "That was a
karate chop from Japan."
The little guy thinks "GEEZ" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a
sudden --WHACK-- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a kung-fu chop from China."
The little guy has had enough of this so he leaves and is gone for an hour or so and when comes back
--WHACK!!!"-- He knocks the big dude off his stool and out cold!!!
The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he comes to, tell him that is a crowbar from
Sears."
A man goes out and buys the best car available in the US or Europe, a 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. It is the best and most expensive car in the world, and it runs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops for a red light. An old man on a moped, both looking about 90 years old, pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks "What kind of car ya got there, sonny?". The dude replies "A 2001 Turbo BeepBeep. They cost $500,000." "That's a lotta money!" says the old man, shocked. "Why does it cost so much?" "Cause this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the cool dude proudly. The old man asks "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure" replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his moped, the old man says "That's a pretty nice car, alright!" Just then the light changes, so the guy decides to show more...
A stoner is walking down a street one night after he just got done blazing up a spliff. As he's walking, he spots this old guy in a ditch who looks like he got the crap kicked out of him. All bloody and mangled, the dude calls the stoner over to him and says, "Call me an ambulance." The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says "Okay dude, you're an ambulance."
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy faints. The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?" The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?" The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said' Turn around'."
A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big dude looks down upon the small guy and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy faints.
The big dude picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him and asks the small guy, "What's wrong with you?"
The small guy says, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The big dude looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Thank God! I thought you said' Turn around'."
"Dude, you got to clean that up. Fish don't have hair."
"In the event you recover and want to sue, here's a good attorney."
"And he STILL ate it!!"
"Dammit, that's the third band aid I've lost this week!"
"Wine, Mad Dog, who's gonna know the difference?"
"The chef's gonna be pissed... the animals got out of the slaughterhouse again."
"Those food prep gloves work in a pinch for a prostate exam."
"Did anyone on the kitchen staff lose a finger?"
"You know, I had a hand (snicker) in making that special sauce!"
"Dude, you have to use the microwave to heat up that chicken. You can't just keep it your pants!"