Ear Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, a space ship landed in a farmer's field and a Martian man and his wife got out and introduced themselves to the farmer and his wife. As a token of his friendship, the farmer immediately invited the Martian couple in his home and begged them to stay for the evening and have dinner, so the Martians agreed. Later that night, the Martian man explained how, on their planet, it was customary to swap partners as a token of friendship. The farmer, not wanting to offend his alien neighbors, readily agreed. The Martian then man took the farmer's wife into one bedroom while the farmer took the Martian woman into another. They had been having sex for about an hour when the Martian man asked the farmer's wife, "Well, how do you like having sex with a Martian? How does it feel?" The farmer's wife replied "It needs to be a little bigger around." So the Martian man twisted his right ear and presto, his penis became bigger around. About an hour later, the Martian man asked more...

A rather senile old lady went to her doctor complaining of drainingand a feeling of fullness in her ear. After the examination, thedoctor initiated a conversation that went as follows: D: Why madam, I think you have a suppository in your ear. L:? eh? D: Madam - You have a SUPPOSITORY in your EAR! L:? ? EH?? D: (shouting) --IN YOUR EAR! --A SUPPOSITORY!!! L: Oh, thankGoodness - now I know where I put my hearing aid!

Thank you for calling the CSU Automated Hearing Test Line. Prepare for Test 1. Is this tone louder in your left ear or right ear?. .. BEEP

How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook... she gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece. What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot... bigfoot has been spotted. What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts... change. What does a blonde say if you blow in her (or his) ear... thanks for the refill. What do you call a skeleton in the closet with blonde hair... last years hide and go seek winner. What do you call a basement full of blondes... a whine cellar. What do you call a blonde at the bottom of the pool... an air bubble. What do you call a blonde behind a steering wheel... an air bag. What do you call a blonde between two brunettes... a mental block. What do you call 20 blondes standing ear to ear... a wind tunnel. What do you call 15 blondes in a circle... a dope ring. What do you call a blonde in college... a visitor.

The Missing Toupee!

On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"

The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon.

Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!"

This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon.

A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him.

"Excuse me, sir, can I help you?"
The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you more...

A Gujju woman took her baby to a doctor, who determined right away that the baby had an earache.
He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote,
"Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.
The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough,
the pharmacist, had typed the following instructions on the label:
"Put two drops in R ear every four hours.

Say out loud for full effect!

Milburn - capital of Victoria
Peck - to fill a suitcase
Pissed aside - chemical which kills insects
Pigs - for hanging out washing with
Pump - to act as agent for prostitute
Pug - large animal with a curly tail
Nin tin dough - computer game
Munner stroney - soup
Min - male of the species
Mess Kara - eye makeup
McKennock - person who fixes cars
Mere - Mayor
Leather - foam produced from soap
Lift - departed
Kiri Pecker - famous Australian businessman
Kittle crusps - potato chips
Ken's - Cairns
Jumbo - pet name for someone called Jim
Jungle Bills - Christmas carol
Inner me - enemy
Guess - vapour
Fush - marine creatures
Fitter cheney - type of pasta
Ever cardeau - avocado
Fear hear - blonde
Ear - mix of nitrogen and oxygen
Ear roebucks - exercise at the gym
Duffy cult - not easy
Amejen - visualise
Day old more...