Ear Jokes / Recent Jokes
Canadian Joke - Hey, we love you people up north, but, I'm sorry you'd almost have to be a Canadian to appreciate this joke. (we've been told by some Canadians that this is possibly the funniest Canuck joke yet?) Go figure?
A Canadian is drinking in a New York bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Canadian baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds but the Canadian just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks. Like I said, my boy's a typical Canadian baby boy."
Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the Canadian returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say, you're the father of that typical Canadian baby that weighed 25 pounds at more...
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afforda larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told himthat he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in' Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beercan, hold it to his ear and more...
In March 1997, Brian Cranshaw, a chemical engineer from West London, returned to the UK after spending the previous six months overseeing work at a petrochemicals plant in Nigeria.
During his first week back, his wife complained that he seemed to have difficulty listening properly. Brian suggested that his ears had not fully recovered from the air pressure changes experienced during his flight.
Over the next two weeks, Brian's condition worsened as he started to feel tickling sensations deep in his ears. Thinking the trouble was caused by loosened ear wax, he attempted to clean his ears with a ballpoint pen.
When he pressed it into his right ear, he heard a cracking sound and saw the pen covered in a yellow goo. He went to his local GP claiming he had punctured his ear drum. The GP reached into Brian's right ear with a pair of tweezers and pulled out what appeared to be an insect antenna.
During the examination Brian was horrified to learn more...
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat called Alan for companionship. One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said:' Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?'The Fairy Godmother replied:' Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good, wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you 3 wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?'Cinderella is taken aback, overjoyed and after some thoughtful consideration and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish.' I wish I was wealthy beyond comprehension.' Instantly her rocking chair was turned into solid gold. Cinderella was stunned. Cinderella said' Oh thank you, Fairy Godmother!' The Fairy Godmother replied' It is the least I can do. What is your second wish?' Cinderella looked down at her frail body and more...
After having their 11th child, a Kentucky couple decided that was enough(they could not afford a larger double wide).
So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Kentucky), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Kentuckian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Ohio to get a second opinion.
The Ohio physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Kentucky. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, more...
Dr M has great difficulty trying to find solutions to his country's economic and currency problems. He knows his brain isn't working well now. So he decides to go to the United States to have a brain transplant. He thought that with a new brain, he can think better and can find better solutions to the problems. The neurosurgeon asked Dr M if he wanted a cheap brain or an expensive one. Cheap brains are Singapore brains while the expensive ones are Malaysian brains. Dr M was simply overjoyed. He could not stop laughing. He said' At last, we have something more valuable than they have!' While smiling from ear to ear, and out of curiosity, he asked the neurosurgeon,' but why are Singapore brains so cheap and Malaysian brains so expensive?' The neurosurgeon replied' Oh, its very simple. These Singaporeans really overused their brains. They don't just plan 1 or 5 years ahead. They plan a generation ahead. Malaysians, on the other hand, hardly use their brains. These brains are virtually more...
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you''re applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that''s giving the interview doesn''t tike to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is more...