Earth Jokes / Recent Jokes

This was sent to me by Stefan (who works here), who got it from Steve (who
works at Hayes down the street), who evidently got it from somewhere that
had SPY magazine in its ancestry....The rebuttal is all mine, however. Jim.
Proposition: IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? (See below for my rebuttal..)
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from
that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to
present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa
has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total more...

God’s Email!
One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out.
When the angel returned, he told God that it was indeed bad on Earth. He reported that 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God thought a moment and decided He had better send down a female angel to get both points of view.
When the female angel returned she confirmed that Earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.
God thought about what He could do about the situation and decided to e-mail the 5% that were good with a little pep-talk, some praise, something to encourage them, something to help keep them going.
Do you know what the e-mail said?....
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No???
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Oh! YOU didn`t get one either.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said: "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind ofliving thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark." And in a flash of lightning he delivered the specifications for an Ark. "OK," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time." And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark. "Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah." Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First I more...

Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual freetrip around the Sun!

A guy dies and goes to heaven. It's a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon
passing the entrance test, St. Peter says "I'm not very busy today,
why don't you let me show you around?"
The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer.
St. Peter shows him all the sights, the golf course, the reading room
and library, the observation room, the cafeteria and finally, they
come to a HUGE room full of clocks.
The guy asks, "What's up with these clocks?"
St. Peter explains, "Everyone on earth has a clock that shows how much
time he has left on earth. When a clock runs out of time, the person
dies and comes to the Gates to be judged."
The guy thinks this makes sense but notices that some of the clocks
are going faster than others. He asks why is that?
St. Peter explains, "Every time a living person tells a lie, it speeds
his clock."
This also makes sense, so the guy more...

One day God was looking down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check it out. So he called one of His angels and sent the angel to Earth for a time. When she returned, she told God, "Yes, it is bad on Earth; 95% are wicked and 5% are good. He thought for a moment and said, "Maybe I had better send down a second angel to get another opinion." So God called another angel and sent her to Earth for a time too. When the angel returned she went to God and said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline; 95% are bad and 5% are good." God was not pleased. So He decided to E-mail the 5% that were good because he wanted to encourage them. . . give them a little something to help them keep going.
Do you know what that E-mail said?


Guess you didn't get it either.

Three nuns die and go to heaven. St. Peter is waiting for them at the gates of heaven and as they walk up he says "In order for you to get into heaven, you each have to answer one question." The nuns say ok and the first nun walks up.

St. Peter says "Who was the first man on Earth?"

The nun thinks for a little bit and finally says "that's easy, Adam." Bells ring, angels sing, doors fly open, nun walks in.

The second nun walks up and St. Peter says "Who was the first woman on Earth?"

The nun thinks for a little bit and says "That's easy, Eve." Bells ring, angels sing, doors fly open, nun walks in.

The third nun walks up and St. Peter says "Ok, what were the last words Eve said to Adam before Adam left the Garden of Eden?"

The nun, not having the slightest idea, thought for a long time and finally said "Boy, that's a hard one..."

Bells ring, more...