Earth Jokes / Recent Jokes
Science definitions from Kids... H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water. To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell a oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water. Three kinds of blood vessels are: arteries, vanes, and caterpillers. Blood flows down one leg and up the other. Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration. The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A supersaturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out more...
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he was destroying the Earth in 3 days. They were all allowed to return to their homes and businesses and tell their friends and colleagues what was happening. God did tell them though, that no matter what they did he was "not" changing his mind. Bill Clinton went in and told his staff, "I have good news and bad news for you. First the good news. . . there "is" a God. The bad news is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Boris Yeltsin went back and told his staff, "I have good news and terrible news. The first is that there "is" a God. The second is that he is destroying the Earth in 3 days."Bill Gates went back and told his staff, "I have good news and good news. First, God thinks I am one of the three most important people in the more...
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." - Will Rogers
"We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made." - M. Facklam
"The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue." - Anonymous
"Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard." - Dave Barry
"Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog." - Franklin P. Jones
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - Unknown
"I wonder what goes through his mind when he sees us peeing in his water bowl." - Penny Ward Moser
"A dog teaches more...
President Yeltsin, President Clinton and Bill Gates are invited to havedinner with God. During dinner He tells them: "I needed three importantpeople to send my message out to all the people: Tomorrow I will destroythe Earth." Yeltsin immediately calls together his cabinet and announces: "I have tworeally bad news items. God really exists, and tomorrow he will destroy theearth." Clinton calls an emergency meeting of congress and announces: "I have goodnews and bad news. The good news is God really does exist; the bad news istomorrow he's destroying the Earth." Gates goes back to Microsoft and tells his employees: "I have two pieces ofgreat news. First, I am one of the three most important people on earth, and second, I think I've got the Y2K problem fixed."
Four guys were in an airplane, which was going down in flames. There were only 3 parachutes, though.
The reverand says "I should go! everybody needs religion!" they agree and he jumps.
Another guy says "I'm the smartest man on earth! If I die, everyone goes broke!" so he jumps.
The old guy says to the hipee "I am old, and you have a whole life ahead of you, so you jump."
But the hipee replies "Chill dude! We can both go! the smartest man on earth forgot the parachute!"
Confucius say....
* Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
* Man who run in front of car get tired.
* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
* Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
* Man with one chopstick go hungry.
* Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
* Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
* Man who stand on toilet is more...
It is December 30 1999 11: 00 PM, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Boris Yeltsin appear before god. God: I have called you here with me because to my opinion you are the three most important men on earth. I want you to spread the message that I will destroy the earth on January 1. I will now send you back.......... Spread the message Boris Yeltsin: He gathers his comrades and says Friends I have bad news for us: 1) God exists 2) The world will be destroyed soon Bill Clinton: Clinton gathers his staff members and senators and says I have good news and bad news: 1) The good news is that God exists 2) The bad news is that he will destroy the world Bill Gates: Gates gathers all his managers and says I just have good news for you guys: 1) I am one of the three most important people on the planet 2) The Y2K-bug is solved