"Confucius say...." joke

Confucius say....
* Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
* Man who run in front of car get tired.
* Man who run behind car get exhausted.
* Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
* Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
* Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
* Man with one chopstick go hungry.
* Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
* Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
* Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
* Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.
* War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
* Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
* Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
* It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
* Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
* Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
* Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
* Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
* Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
* Crowded elevator smell different to midget.