Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

A girl was eating lunch in the cafeteria and she was laughing and talking to all friends. But as you know, it is very distracting to talk while you're eating.
So she goes to put a french fry into her mouth and before anyone notices, she looks down because, you guessed it, she missed her mouth. Turns out everyone at the table had seen her do it. As the table bursts out laughing, someone says, "I do that all the time. I go to take a drink of water and I miss." Someone else said, "You have a hole in your lip." From the other end of the table someone yells "Who has a whore on their cheek?"

One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The rich man replied, "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about two feet tall!"

A preacher visits an elderly woman of his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few?" he asks.
"Not at all," the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher starts to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm totally sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really only meant to eat a few. Please let me purchase you some more."
"Oh no, that's all right," the woman says. "Ever since I lost my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off them."

How do you know when youre eating rabbit stew? When it has hares in it.

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.' Wow, this is great,' he thought. It wasn't long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. "Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes. Come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?" he asked. "Well," one of them said. "You see that field there? It's got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them." This, he couldn't resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful. Later, he more...

A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
" What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, " You're not eating properly."

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw
two men eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate.“Why are you eating grass?” he asked one man.“We don't have any money for food,” the poor man replied.“Oh, come along with me then.”“But sir, I have a wife with two children!”“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!” he said to the other man.“But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.“Bring them as well!”They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”