Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's? A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you?.swear you'll never do it again.

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man who had recently passed away.
One cannibal says, "Look at this! You start at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle."
So the two cannibals start eating.
After a half an hour one stops eating, looks up, and says, "I don't know about you, but this is great! How are you doing?"
The other cannibal answers, "This is great! I'm havin' a ball!"
The other cannibal says, "Hey, no fair! You're eating too fast!"

Two hungry cannibals are walking through the forest when they see a man
who had recently passed away. One cannibal says, "
Look at this! You start
at the feet and I'll start at the head and we'll meet in the middle."
So
the two cannibals start eating. After a half an hour one stops eating,
looks up and says, "
I don't know about you, but this is great! How are you
doing?"
The other cannibal answers, "
This is great! I'm havin' a ball!"
The other cannibal says, "
Hey, slow down, you're eating too fast!"

One day a boy was eating his halloween candy. A man came to him and said dont eat all that candy at once it will make you sick. The boy just kept on eating, so the man walked off. Then two women came and said the same thing. The boy then replied my grandpa lived to 123. The ladys were shocked and asked did he do that by eating so much candy. The boy then replied, no he did that by minding his own buisness blondy.

Teacher-What Did Newton Think When He Saw The Apple Fall From The Tree?
Student-Its Simple Madam He Thought Of Whether Eating It Raw Or Whether Making An Apple Salad And Eating It.

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty!"Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks? Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars? Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells -"For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?" "It was' Momma Bear' who got up first." "It was' Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up." "It was' Momma Bear' who made the Coffee." "It was' Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away." "It was' Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was' Momma Bear' who set the table." "It more...

I think the war between the smokers and non-smokers is heating up a bit. I went into a restaurant for
lunch the other day and, as is my practice, requested a table in the ``no smoking'' section. They
seated me, and I went about the business of ordering and eating my food.
Somewhere between the clam chowder and a club sandwich, I caught the smell of nearby burning tobacco.
Upon looking around, I noticed the man in the booth next to me smoking a freshly lit cigarette.
Overcoming my natural reticence regarding confrontation, I spoke to the man. ``Excuse me, sir, but,
when you came in, did you ask to be seated in the no-smoking section?''
"Yes, I don't like the smell of smoke when I am eating any more than anyone else."
I asked, "Then why are you smoking that cigarette?"
"I've finished eating."
Silly me, it was obvious to the most casual observer.
I called the server over and made her aware of the more...