Edge Jokes / Recent Jokes
If you're living on the edge, be sure to buckle your seatbelt.
On the first day his son joined the family firm, the founder took him on to the roof of the factory building and said,' I am going to give you your very first lesson in business. Stand on the edge of the roof.' Reluctantly, the boy went to stand on the edge of the roof.' Now,' said his father,' when I say, "Jump," I want you to jump off the roof.'' But, Dad,' said the boy,' there's a huge drop!'' Do you want to succeed in business?'' Yes, Dad.'' And you trust me, don't you?'' Yes, Dad.'' So do as I say and jump.' The boy jumped. He crashed to the ground and lay there, winded and bruised. His father went racing down the stairs and ran up to him. That was your first lesson in business, son. Never trust anyone.'
A woman asks her husband if he'd like some breakfast. "Would you like bacon and eggs, perhaps? A slice of toast? Grapefruit and coffee to follow?" she asks.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
At lunchtime, she asks if he would like something. "A bowl of homemade soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?" she inquires.
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat. She'll go to the store and buy him some food. Would he like maybe a steak and apple pie? Maybe he'd like a pizza microwaved or a tasty stir-fry that would only take a couple of minutes?
He declines. "It's this Viagra," he says, "It's really taken the edge off my appetite."
"Well," she says, "Would you mind getting off more...
As the elderly man lay dying in his bed, death's agony was suddenly pushed aside as he smelled the aroma of his favorite homemade chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with intense concentration, supported himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. In labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing wide-eyed into the kitchen.
There, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally HUNDREDS of his favorite chocolate chip cookies! Was it heaven? Or, was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man? Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture, one hand on the edge of the table.
The aged and withered hand quiveringly made its way to a cookie near the more...
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a landing at an airport they had never been to before. The pilot looked out the windshield, and suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot: "Holy cow! Look how short the runway is! I've never seen one that short!"
The co-pilot looked out the windshield. "Wow! you're right! That's incredible! Are you sure we can make it?"
"Well we better, we're almost out of fuel."
So the captain got on the intercom, and notified the passengers to put their heads between their knees, and prepare for an emergency landing. Then he set the flaps to full down, and slowed the plane to just over stall speed. The big jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of control. The pilot's hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.
They touched down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge of the runway, the tires smoking.
"HEW! That was CLOSE!" yelled the captain. more...
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven`s getting pretty close to full today, and I`ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what`s your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I`ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn`t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn`t you know it, he wouldn`t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn`t stand more...
Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says; I don`t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We`re the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don`t get it." "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?" "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator. "Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?" "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp." "Same here. How do you catch them?" "Well, I crawl under a car and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite`em, shake the s*** out of `em, and eat`em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin` the s*** out of a lawyer, there`s nothing left but lips and a briefcase..."