Hiding Jokes

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Two men died and struck up a conversation while they were waiting at the Pearly Gates.
"How did you die?" asked the first.
"I froze to death," replied the second.
"Oh, that's horrible. How did it feel to freeze to death," the first man asked.
"At first, it was very uncomfortable," explained the second man. "You get the shakes and then your fingers and toes become painful. Eventually though, it's a very calm way to go. You become numb and kind of drift off, just as if you're sleeping. What about you, how did you die?"
"I had a massive heart attack," answered the first man. "I knew my wife was having an affair so, one day, I showed up at home unexpectedly. I quickly ran up to the bedroom but found her there alone, reading a book. I then ran down to the basement, but didn't find anyone hiding there either. I ran up to the second floor and again found no one hiding. Then I ran as fast as I could up to the more...

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.
"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.
"I froze to death," says the second.
"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"
"It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart more...

“The New York Times says Ralph Nader is thinking of running for president again. We couldn’t be more excited. … Nader says he rejects the term spoiler. It’s a lot better than loser. ” –Jay Leno
“They’re getting ready to unveil President Bush’s presidential library. The committee in charge of President Bush’s presidential library said they want the building to reflect the spirit of the Bush presidency. So they said, ‘In other words, we’re just gonna build some stuff and see what happens. ’” –Conan O’Brien
“You remember Dick Cheney, he’s the vice president of the United States. He shot an old man in the face and didn’t tell anybody. Eventually, the news got out. Turned out the old man was fine. It was a hilarious story, and the old man ended up doing the right thing [on screen: atty Harry Whittington apologizing to Cheney’s family for the amount of media coverage]. At the time we all thought, ‘My God, how do you shoot an old man in the more...

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early and try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand more...