Education Jokes / Recent Jokes

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.
A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!
"What else do you have?" asks the student.
"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.
The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects.
Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"
The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter.
"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.
The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to more...

Eight year old Johnnie came home from school one day. At the supper table he announced to his mother and father that tomorrow in school they were going to learn about sex education. The next evening at the dinner table Johnnie's mother asked, "Well Johnnie, what did you learn about sex education today?" Johnnie said, "I think the teacher said we should avoid inter-sections and buy condominiums."

Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Mann went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there.
After being there for a month, his mother paid him a visit.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terribly noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side does nothing but scream all night."
"Oh, Donald, you poor dear!" his mother said. "How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes," Donald replied.

One goes "CHOO CHOO" and the other goes "SPIT OUT YOUR GUM!"

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness, or a death in the student"s immediate family.

A smart ass student in the back of the class waved his hand and spoke up, "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.

"Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

Bob woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a
pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall
the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the
bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some
coffee in front of him.
"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what happened last night. Was it
as bad as I think?"
"Even worse," she said, her voice oozing scorn. "You made a
complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the
entire board of directors and you insulted the president of
the company, right to his face."
"He's an idiot," Bob said. "Piss on him!" "You did," came the
reply. "And he fired you."
"Well, screw him!" said Bob. "I did. You're back at work on
Monday."

Little Jason was getting terrible grades in school. His parents decided to send him to a new school with the hopes that things would improve. Still he got bad grades. They sent him to several different schools, all with the same results, bad grades. As a last resort, they decided to send him to a catholic school.
The first day Jason came home, he rushed to his room and did his homework. This continued every day until report cards came out and Jason's parents were thrilled to see that he had straight A's. As proud as they were, they were curious to find out how come there was such an improvement in his grades since going to the catholic school.
"Well," Jason told them, "when I walked in the first day and looked up and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, something told me they meant business."