Education Jokes / Recent Jokes

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is' beautiful'. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use' beautiful' in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."

Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. "Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen."

Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said,' Beautiful! Just more...

Three men were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The first man finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented: I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean.

The second man finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented: I graduated from the University of California and they taught us to be environmentally conscious.

The third man zipped up and as he was walking out the door said: I graduated from the University of Wyoming and they taught us not to pee on our hands.

Q:why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A:she thought she would being drawing blood...

Little Johnny comes home from catholic school with a black eye. His father sees it and says "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"

"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up, and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt, so I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me! "

"Johnny!" the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"

"But Dad!" Johnny said. "It wasn't my fault! There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the crack of her butt. Then Lee who was sitting next to me saw it, and he reached over and pulled it out. Now I know she doesn't more...

Late For Work
The secretary came in late for work for the third day in a row.
The boss called her into his office and said, "Now look Sharon, I know we had a wild fling for a while, but that's over. I expect you to conduct yourself like any other employee around here. Who told you you could come and go as you please around here?"
Sharon simply smiled, lit up a cigarette, and while exhaling said,
"My lawyer."

Once upon a time there was a young man called harder harder he was trying out sex with a girl she said,"harder harder" the bums came in the room and then said, "harder harder."

A first grade teacher collected old, well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest. These are great:

As You Shall Make Your Bed So Shall You... Mess It Up.

Better Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of... Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.