Eggs Jokes / Recent Jokes

Never before had Sue looked in the box that her husband Fred kept under their bed. The box had been there for the past 20 years of their marriage but she had never invaded his privacy. One day, while cleaning, she decided to take a look in the box. She didn`t figure it was anything he was hiding since she could have looked at it any other time but hadn`t. In the box she found 3 eggs and 10 thousand dollars. This seemed very strange so she went to Fred and asked, `Why are there 3 eggs in a box under our bed?` He replied, `Well, every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in the box.` Sue was surprised and hurt that he had been unfaithful but she consoled herself with the fact that they had been married for over 20 years and he had only been unfaithful 3 times. `But where did the 10 thousand dollars come from?` she asked. `Every time I got a dozen, I sold it.`

An old man and women are going out for a meal to celebrate there 50th anniversary. The old man is getting ready but cant find his shoes so he looks under the bed and finds a box with 2 eggs in it and a thousand pounds so that evening he questions his wife about it at dinner.

"Well.." she said "each time I was unfaithful to you I put an egg in the box"

"And what about the thousand pound?" asked the old man.

"Well..." Replies the woman "Each time I got a dozen eggs I sold them"

Dear Diary,
Monday;
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home, it's fun to cook for Bill. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "Beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow enough bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine.
Tuesday;
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve without dressing." So, I didn't dress. But, Bill happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. Did they ever look startled when I served the salad!
Wednesday:

I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So, I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the week. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Thursday:

Today Bill asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said, "Prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of more...

One day a man was sleeping and the neighbors little girl entered his house, woke him up and said, "What is that between your legs?" He replied that is "my bird." He went back to sleep. She came back later and said, "Whats that furry stuff around your bird?" He replied thats "my nest." So he went back to sleep. She came back later. "Whats those two things under it?" He said those are "the eggs." She said, "Okay, can I play with your bird, and he said "ok." When he woke up later, he noticed that he was in the hospital. He saw the little girl and asked, "what happened?" She said, "When I was playing with your bird he spit in my eye so I chopped off his head, burnt down his nest and busted his eggs!"

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand." My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched." Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He more...

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting
breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until
you do your chores."
A little ticked off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to
milk the cow, he kicks it.
When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the
pigs, he kicks one of them.
When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.
His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I
saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so
you don't get any bacon!"
Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs
and kicks the cat.
The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him,
or should I?"

A RIR hen and a village hen met one day. The RIR considering itself superior, asked
the village hen: How does your lady treat you? Very good. My lady is very good. The RIR
how much does she sell your eggs for? The village hen: She sells them for 30 cents each.
The RIR. Ah! my lady sells my eggs for 32 cents. The village hen. Ahio! What's the use
of making one's arse larger for just two cents!