Elastic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.
She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.
Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.
When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.
The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."
Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven.
"I sew the elastic on...
He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

Sven and Ole worked together and were both laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.When asked his occupation, Sven looked the lady in the eye and said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.Then Ole goes in and sits down with the lady.She asked Ole his occupation. "Diesel fitter", he replied.Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave the Ole $600 a week.When Sven found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker, Ole, was collecting double his unemployment pay.The clerk explained: "When I looked it up, panty-stitchers were unskilled laborers and diesel fitters were skilled laborers."Skill!..."What skill?" yelled Sven."I sew the elastic on...He pulls on it and says,... "Yep, diesel fitter".

Who dropped a wad of notes with an elastic band round them? I did! Well, heres the elastic band.

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"?
After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *@#% was that? The wife explains, "oh nothing honey, that was just my more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiancee thinks I'm a virgin, is there anything you can do to help me"? After the doctor stopped laughing, he says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try...on the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh, when your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.Things begin to progress, her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band, and the hubby asks, "what the *

Sven and Ole worked together, and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office. Asked his occupation, Ole said "Panty stitcher. I sew the elastic onto cotton panties."

The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classed as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter" he replied. Since diesel fitters was a skilled job the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.

When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back in to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained: panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, Sven pulls on it and says, "Yep, diesel fitter."

Her nickname is "DAMN"
she eats Wheat Thicks.
people jog around her for exercise.
she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.
she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.
when she sits in the classroom, she sits beside everybody.
she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for the new world.
she put on a red tee shirt and all the little kids said "Kool-Aid, Kool-Aid".
they wrote a book about her, It was called Moby Dick.
she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.
she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"
when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"
she had to go to Sea World to get baptized
she got to iron her pants on the driveway
she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller
when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th
when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too
the highway patrol made her wear more...