Band Jokes

q. What’s the gallbladder’s favorite band?
a. The Rolling Stones.

There was a young girl who had just gotton engaged to a very Catholic young man, and she was very happy. The only problem was her husband thought that she was a virgin, and she wasn't. She was afraid that her husband would be able to tell when they finally had sex, so she went to a doctor and asked him what she should do.
The doctor told her "Wrap and elastic band around your leg, and when you finally have sex, snap the elastic band so that it makes a sound. When he asks what it is, tell him that it's your virginity snapping.
So the big night finally comes, and when they start going at it, she snaps the elastic band, just like the doctor told her to.
Her bridegroom yells "Auugggh! What's that!!??!!".
The woman says "Don't worry honey, it's just my virginity snapping" to which her husband replies "Well snap it again, it's got my b*lls!"

"Doctor, my fiance and I are getting married this weekend, and he thinks I'm still a virgin," the woman said. "Can you do anything to help me?"
"Medically, no," replied the doctor. "Try this: When you're getting ready for bed on your wedding night, slide a thick rubber band around your upper thigh. When he enters you, snap the rubber band and explain to him that it's your cherry popping."
On their wedding night, the bride undressed in the bathroom and slid the rubber band around her thigh. The couple then got into bed and began to make love. When her husband entered her, she snapped the rubber band right on cue.
"What the hell was that?" exclaimed the husband.
"That was my cherry popping," she explained.
"Well, could you snap it again?" he moaned. "It's got my balls!"

By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996)
Bocholt, Germany - A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him jerked the slide of his trombone forward and struck the trumpeter in the back of the head!
Police say the tragedy occurred as the Gratzfeld College band was rehearsing the spirited American jazz classic, When the Saints Go Marching In.
According to other band members, trombonist Peter Niemeyer, 19, "got carried away" with the music. He started gyrating and thrashing around as he played.
At one point, he jerked forward and the rounded metal slide on his instrument hit trumpet player Dolph Mohr, 20, dropping him instantly to the floor.
"Niemeyer was pumping the slide very hard," said medical examiner Dr. Max Krause. "But it wasn't just the force of the blow that killed Mohr.
"The slide struck him in the worst possible place - the vulnerable spot just behind and below the left ear. "Bone more...

Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin. Is there anything you can do to help me?"
After the doctor stops laughing he says, " Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping." The woman loves this idea, and knows her hubby-to-be will fall for it.
They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man. Things begin to progress and as her hubby "slips it in", she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks:
"What the hell was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just more...