Elected Jokes

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners.
Both successors were named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.
Both assassins were know by their three names.
Both names more...

October 28, 1958 - Angleo Giuseppe Roncalli was elected Pope. He took the name John XXIII.
TRADITION
Every time a new pope is elected, there are a lot of rituals and ceremonies that have to be gone through, in accordance with tradition. Well, there's one tradition that very few people know about.
Shortly after the new pope is enthroned, the chief rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the pope's presence, whereupon he presents him with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope.
The pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.
The chief rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next pope is elected. John XXIII was intrigued by this ritual, whose origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the chief rabbi was shown into his presence, he more...

Critics say that Presidential candidate Barack Obama tries to "be all things to all people" and that he makes too many "pie-in-the-sky" promises. At a recent political rally, Obama tried to overcome these criticisms by emphasizing his commitment to principles. Afterwards, audience members lined up at a microphone to ask Obama questions. The first person at the microphone said, "I oppose the war in Iraq. If you are elected, what will you do about that?" "I will end the war in Iraq within two weeks of taking office," answered Obama. "All our troops will come home, and I will simultaneously make sure the Iraqi government is functioning and secure." The second person in line said, "I'm an illegal alien. What will you do for people like me?" "If I am elected," answered Obama, "every illegal alien will receive U.S. citizenship, free health coverage, and a scholarship to the university of your choice." The third more...

Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

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PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...

This stretches the bounds of what might be called "humor" per se, but it
is certainly entertaining, in a chilling sort of way, so I thought I would
share it...
The incidence of coincidence is so prevalent, that it can not be considered coincidence.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both their wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both were shot in the head.
Both were shot in the presence of their wives.
The Secretary of each President warned them not to go to the theater and to Dallas, respectively.
Lincoln's Secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were more...