Electric Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe Smith starts another day early, having set his alarm clock (made in Japan) for 6: 00am While his coffee pot (made in Japan), is perking, he puts his hair dryer (made in Taiwan) to work and shaves with his electric razor (made in Hong Kong). He puts on a dress shirt (made in Singapore), and a pair of tennis shoes (made in Korea). After cooking up some breakfast in his new electric skillet (made in the Philippines), he sits down to figure out on his calculator (made in Mexico) how muck he can spend today. After setting his watch (made in Japan), to the radio (made in Hong Kong), he goes out, gets in his car (made in Japan), and goes looking, ad he has been for months, for a good paying American job. At the end of another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decides to relax for awhile. He puts on a pair of sandals (made in Brazil), pours himself a glass of wine (made in France), and turns on his TV (made in Japan) and once again ponders why he can't find a good paying American job.

ELECTRIC PLAYERS
* Checking hair between tunes $15
* Experimenting with odd meters $25
* Missing root at end of blistering fill $25
* Playing with a pick $50
* Tuning during ballad $30
* Playing Jaco groove on samba $75
* Playing Jaco samba groove on ballad $150
* Attempting last word on final chord $50
* Achieving last word on final chord $100
* Long gliss down to final note $200

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS - ELECTRIC
* Forgetting strap $10
* Changing strings after every set $15
* Using electric tuner $15
* Setting up mic "just in case" $75
* Forgetting to turn amp on $40
* Bringing amp larger than 1 person can carry in 1 trip $50
* Asking horn player for help moving amp $25
* Bringing custom-made bass $100 per string above 4
* Bringing more than 1 bass $100 per extra bass
* Skull decals on bass $150
* Bringing fretless bass $500

A blonde women, a brunette women, and a brown haired women are getting ready to be executed by the electric chair.
The brunette walks in the room and sits down on the electric chair.
Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
The brunette says, I did not do anything wrong, I am innocent.
The man throws the switch and nothing happened. He throws the switch again and says, Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
Next up is the brown haired women.
Before the man throws the switch he asks if she has any last words.
I am innocent. I swear I did not do anything wrong.
The man throws the switch again, and nothing happened. Surely this is a sign of God. You may leave.
Last up is the blonde.
Again the man asks if she has any last words before he throws the switch.
The blonde thinks for a minute and says, Its not plugged in.
By: Allison, Laura, and Jessie

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"So I bought her an electric chair.

In order to punish your cat for poor behavior, here are a list of items that the cat may write on a chalkboard. A. Fill in the blanks
1. [xxx] is not food.
Dental floss, plants, Kleenex, toilet paper, human’s homework, photographs, shoes, sweaters, socks, the couch, electrical cords/devices, phone cord, vases of flowers, my poop, electric wiring, the rubber fish toy my human drags around for me to play with; rubber bands; Mom’s toe; the HUGE fly; used Q-tips; the other cat’s vomited food.
2. I will not jump on the [xxx].
kitchen counter, table, stove, barbecue, my human’s full bladder at 5: 30 A. M., bed at night, TV, bed from the top of the wardrobe at night.
3. I will not sharpen my claws on the [xxx].
sofa, carpet, drapes, my human’s leg, my human’s boss’s leg, the new speakers, wallpaper, window screen, car tires.
4. I will not pee/poop/barf a hairball on the [xxx].
floor, carpet, sofa, clean laundry, sleeping human, human’s more...

While working as a mall Santa, I had many children ask for electric trains. "If you get a train," I would tell each one, "you know your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that okay?"The usual answer was a quick yes, but after I asked one boy this question, he became very quiet. Trying to move the conversation along, I asked what else he would like Santa to bring him. He promptly replied, "Another train."