Electric Jokes / Recent Jokes

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little wine, some good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesday's, and I go on Friday's.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Delhi
and mine is in Kerala.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a
long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
and electric bread maker. Then she said,
"There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a more...

I
take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her
way back.
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage
last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
a little wine, good food... She goes Tuesdays,
I go Fridays.
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't
be reporting it. The thief spends less than my
wife did.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
electric bread maker. Then she said "There
are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So
what did I do? Bought her an electric chair.
My wife drives the wrong way on a one way street.
The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where
are you going?" My wife said, "I must
be late, everyone is all coming back!"
She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am
I too late for the garbage?" Following her
down the street I more...

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common? A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

A chemist, a biologist and an electrical engineer were on death row waiting
to go in the electric chair. The chemist was brought forward first.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner,
strapping him in.
"No," replied the chemist. The executioner flicked the switch and
nothing happened.
Under this particular State's law, if an execution attempt fails, the
prisoner is to be released, so the chemist was released.
Then the biologist was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?"
"No, just get on with it."
The executioner flicked the switch, and again nothing happened, so the
biologist was released.
Then the electrical engineer was brought forward.
"Do you have anything you want to say?" asked the executioner.
"Yes," replied the engineer. "If you swap the red and the blue wires over,
you might make this thing work."

These three Texans go down to Mexico one night and get drunk and wake up in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none of them can remember what they have done.

The first one is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words. He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."

They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die, so they let him go.

The second one is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am from the University of Texas School of Law and I believe in the eternal power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."

The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go.

The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a fighting Texas Aggie more...

If an electric train travels 90 miles an hour in a westerly direction and the wind is blowing from the north, in which direction is the smoke blowing? There is no smoke from an electric train!

There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free. The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free. Next it was the Newfoundlanders turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said "I'm a fraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".