"Making the marriage last......" joke

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant,
have a little wine, some good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesday's, and I go on Friday's.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Delhi
and mine is in Kerala.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our
anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a
long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster,
and electric bread maker. Then she said,
"There are too many gadgets, and no place to
sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.
12. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
13. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.
14. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked,
"What's on the TV?"... I said,' Dust!"
15. In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
Then God created man and rested. Then God created
woman............
Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
16. Why do men die before their wives?...............
Because they wants to