Elevator Jokes / Recent Jokes

There's this blond and this brunette. And they're in an elevator. And this hot guy walks into the elevator, and the women are like "Woo-hoo, that guy is fine" and "Mmm...he's got a nice butt", and stuff like that.
Then they notice that he has dandruff.
When he gets off of the elevator, the women burst out laughing.
The brunette, giggles and says: "Oh, man, someone should give him head and shoulders."
And the blond, confused, says: "Really? Well, how do you give someone shoulders?"

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator, in a very lavish New York City Office Building.

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume, turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

The next young and beautiful woman gets in the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, bends over and farts, announcing "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor.
One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens:
"Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

The newlyweds entered the elevator of their Miami Beach hotel. The operator, a magnificent blonde, looked at them in surprise and said, "Why, hello, Teddy, how are you?"
A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room, when the piqued bride demanded: "Who was that woman?!"
"Take it easy, honey," said the groom, "I'm going to have trouble enough explaining you to her."

Sign seen in Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

Doesn't have his belt through all the loops. Doesn't have sixteen annas to the rupee. Doesn't have the brain power to toast a crouton. Doesn't have the sense God gave an animal cracker. Doesn't have two neurons to rub together. Doesn't just know nothing doesn't even suspect much. Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair. -- Billing Doesn't know which side the toast is buttered on. Doesn't put the cross-hairs on the target. Doesn't quite sample at the Nyquist rate. Doesn't suffer from ear pressure when flying at altitude. Donated her body to scientists... Before she was done using it. Downhill skiing in Iowa. Driveway doesn't quite reach the garage. Driving at night with the lights off. Driving with two wheels in the sand. Dropped his second stage too soon. Dumb as asphalt / dirt / a mud fence / a stump / a sack of hammers. Dumber than a chicken / box of hair/rocks. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group. Ears are redirected to /dev/null. Easier to more...

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor.

One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling up to the heavens:

"Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"